A Challenging Beginning

I. Who I Am

I was born in 1960 in the Glasgow slums, the fifth child of six. I was a tiny baby girl with serious health problems, born into poverty and struggle. Despite my harsh living conditions, I was a bright and curious child, always eager to explore my surroundings and learn new things. My parents, hard-working but struggling to make ends meet, did their best to provide for me and my siblings, but life was tough in the slums. I was a resilient and determined little girl with a fierce spirit that carried me through my early years and beyond.

II. What Happened

One day, while my parents attended a relative's wedding, they left me at home in the care of someone I loved and trusted. He began sexually touching me, telling me he was doing things that would help fix my health problems. At four, I needed help, but it hurt and felt wrong. But I loved him. I felt something was off, but I couldn't comprehend it. I kept it to myself because I was afraid, and he insisted on secrecy, so I ignored it. My abuse continued over the next five years. I lived with the isolation and loneliness of being abused that my child's brain could not understand.

III. What My Life Became

My behavior changed. I became very withdrawn and anxious, had nightmares and trouble sleeping. Confusion and disbelief were followed by guilt and shame. I began to self-harm to cope with my mental distress, and academically I struggled because of the fear and anxiety dominating me. I stopped trusting people in positions of power. My physical health deteriorated — chronic pain, rashes, gastrointestinal issues. It was difficult to form friendships, so I turned to Sunday-school books and stories about Jesus' love for me. I was dreaming of a better version of myself. My abuser looked forward to my physical appeal at fourteen. I spoke up about my torment despite the fear of being punished. I did not receive a response from the adults who were supposed to protect me, and my greatest fear came true: I was sent away from my family to a residential school, where they abused me. On my return home, the adults in my life clarified that the abuse was never to be mentioned. Yet again, they silenced my voice. At fifteen, I faced another traumatic experience with someone close to me and escaped to London alone, with no plan, unable to tell anyone. Men approached me and offered food for sexual favors. An older friend took me to her squat; I was the youngest, and the others looked out for me — especially Hilda, who three months later gave me the bus fare home to Scotland. I grew up ignorant of how to form a healthy relationship. I married my first husband at nineteen; two children were born, then the relationship deteriorated and we stayed in an unhealthy marriage, living separate lives. My children became the only light in my darkness.

IV. What Changed

At forty, with grown-up children, I found the courage to file for divorce. I attended university for the following four years and gained a master's degree. I started living for myself. During this period, I got a new sense of freedom and independence I had never known. I also met my current husband and best friend, who has loved and supported me through challenging health issues over the past eighteen years. At the start of 2023, I joined the Empowering Story Program to gain solace and joy. There, I started one-on-one coaching with Jean. Since then, my self-image has changed as I have confronted agonizing memories, emotions, and convictions. My abuse once defined me as a victim, but now I see myself as a survivor. My abuse wasn't my fault, and nothing I did caused it. I've gained knowledge about cherishing myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm learning to forgive myself for any destructive behaviors or feelings that may have come out of the trauma. Healing takes time. I am changing from shame to acceptance of myself for who I am.

V. Who I Am Now

My life is now more fulfilling as I break free from my past abuse and regain control over my life, building a future filled with hope, healing, and empowerment. Because people silenced my voice, I locked my memories and emotions away deep in my mind, where I expected them to stay forever. The wounded little girl spoke up and refused to remain quiet. She longed for peace, safety, and happiness. She needed my comfort, compassion, and understanding — and I am most proud of giving her back her voice. After accepting the truth of my history, I believe I deserve love, care, and healing. I set personal boundaries and express my emotions to protect myself. Despite struggling days, I remain strong and lean on my support system. Telling my story was one of the most challenging things I have ever done, but it has moved me from feeling powerless to taking control of my life. My message to other survivors: you are not alone. The first step to healing from abuse is possible — you're already making progress. It's okay to experience setbacks. Be patient and kind to yourself, and seek help from family or friends you trust, or professionals. You deserve to live a life free from the pain and suffering of sexual abuse. You have the strength and resilience to overcome it; your healing journey will be worth it.