The Little Girl Stronger Than I

I. Who I Am

This book is about a little girl who feels trapped and loses herself at a young age. Later in her life, she gets saved. She was around 10 or 11 when it all took place — that's where her life began, because that's where she had to grow up, take care of herself, and fight for herself. There were four of us that grew up watching what everyone would call an abusive home. As the years went by, we moved around, and the fighting between Mom and Dad grew worse. My older sister began taking on our mother's role — becoming a mom to me and my two younger brothers. I found myself keeping track of my two little brothers. At times, I would sneak off by myself to my safe place, which I would find every time we moved. I poured out my heart there. I often felt alone and scared, afraid others would laugh at me because I felt different. I came across listening to music to help me with my mind, and I found myself writing a bit.

II. What Happened

A man my mother brought home faked his kindness to have his way with me. I was only 12 at the time and confused about my body. He kept coming around, trying to get me alone. One night, going to the bathroom half-asleep, I didn't notice he slipped in with me. He grabbed me from behind and said, “Do not yell or say anything. No one would believe you anyway.” So I just let him do what he wanted while I prayed for him to stop. A couple of days later, I finally had my mom alone and told her what was happening to me. She said, “That cannot happen to you, because he is always with me.” I started crying, confused about why she wouldn't believe me. I stayed quiet after that, because I thought if I told anyone else, they wouldn't believe me either.

III. What My Life Became

That day in school, I felt dirty and didn't want anyone to touch me or even look at me. I dressed like it was snowing, wearing all black, even though it was 95 degrees. I made a box around me; I could not trust anyone, not even myself. I stopped hugging my siblings and my mom. We often entertain the illusion that by shoving difficult experiences into the recesses of our minds, we can make them vanish. This avoidance, however, is a fallacy. Unresolved issues resurface unexpectedly, often when we are most vulnerable. All that was going on in my head had made me sick, not just mentally but physically. I threw myself into asthma attacks with anxiety and woke up in the hospital, thinking I was dying. It kept happening. I started not caring for anyone, not even myself. I was so sad and felt lost in everything I did. There was a boy at school I described this way: my skin should have sung, but the sensation was muted, like a beautiful melody played through thick glass. I registered the touch, the intent, but the feeling was lost in the static. It's like my body remembers how to respond, but my soul has forgotten the language.

IV. What Changed

Once, when I heard my little brothers cry, it was like it gave me power, and through that power I spoke: “God, please.” I took a deep breath I could not manage before. See, when God is not ready for us, He will not take us — not because He wants us to suffer, but so we can fulfill our purpose by helping others once we help ourselves. I am still working on myself. I am still walking with faith and will not give up on myself. I will not listen to evil words from others or myself. That's where we must fight and find something we love to focus on. I choose my children to focus on. This book became more than a testimony — it became a reclamation. The Empowering Story taught me to care for myself through the process. There were days the writing opened old wounds, but the program reminded me that healing doesn't come from rushing through the story; it comes from honoring it, piece by piece. I found not only a structure for my writing but a community of safety, insight, and encouragement.

V. Who I Am Now

Writing this book didn't erase my past, but it transformed my relationship with it. I no longer write from wounds — I write from wisdom. Everything was stacked against me, yet I defied the stereotypes often associated with individuals who have experienced trauma. When she falls, with God's grace she gets back up. She loves and fights for all who need her, and she forgives as time goes by. She accepts everything as a learning experience. She is not afraid of being alone, because she knows God is even closer. She is a loving friend, girlfriend, wife, and mother, and she gives a home to children who are in need. To the person who feels they have fallen and can't get up: God doesn't put you in this world to stop you. He puts you there so you can help others once you find yourself. It matters who you are and what you are going through. I hope my story helps someone else remember that they are not alone. There is hope!