Rhythg of healing

I. Who I Am

My name is JD. I am 38 years old and live in Sweden with my partner and kids. My family, working alongside my partner, and dance are some of the greatest passions in my life. For many years, I carried parts of my story quietly. I lived with memories I tried to push away, experiences I did not fully understand as a child, and a silence that followed me into adulthood. But I have also always had a strong will to survive. Even when life became difficult, something in me kept searching for freedom, strength, and a way to live on my own terms. Today, I see myself not only as someone who went through pain, but as someone who kept moving. I am a man who has fought for her life, his voice, and his joy.

II. What Happened

When I was very young, my father sexually abused me. I was only four years old, and I did not understand what was happening. I only knew that it felt wrong, frightening, and uncomfortable. I wanted it to stop, but fear filled my body and I stayed silent. Later, I was also abused by my uncle during an overnight stay. I tried to tell my father, hoping he would protect me or at least acknowledge what had happened. Instead, his reaction made me feel even more confused and alone. The memories did not disappear. I tried to forget them and act as if none of it had happened, but the thoughts kept returning. I carried the abuse quietly, not because it was small, but because I did not yet know how to speak about something so large.

III. What My Life Became

My life became a pattern of escape and pretending. I wanted to stay away from home as much as possible, so I spent time at friends’ houses, offered to house-sit, and looked for peaceful places where I could breathe. I wrote in diaries. I read books. I created imaginary versions of myself in letters to pen pals, pretending I had the perfect life I wished was real. On the outside, I kept going. On the inside, I was carrying stress, confusion, headaches, fear, and silence. As I grew older, social services became involved, and eventually I had to leave home. My studies, relationships, and sense of self were all affected by what had happened. I tried to protect others from the truth, but doing that created even more pressure inside me. Silence became survival, but it was not freedom.

IV. What Changed

What changed was that I began to stop carrying everything alone. Support organizations, therapy, group counseling, and court proceedings helped me face what had happened and begin to rebuild. One important part of my journey was ATSUB, which allowed me to do things in my own way. I also participated in a 2012 government inquiry in Sweden, where young people shared how adults and institutions often failed to understand the signs of violence and abuse. Knowing that my voice contributed to recommendations that became part of Swedish law became something I am deeply proud of. Becoming a mother also changed me. My daughter gave my life new meaning and helped me want more than survival. I wanted to become courageous, self-assured, powerful, and alive. Writing helped me understand my past. Dance helped me reconnect with my body. Support helped me believe that I could move forward.

V. Who I Am Now

Today, I am finally where I am supposed to be. I live in a loving home with my husband and daughter, and I continue to follow my dreams. I am no longer willing to live only as someone shaped by what happened to me. Cutting ties with my abuser is one of the best decisions I have ever made. It gave me space to choose myself, my peace, and my future. Dance is now part of my strength. Writing my story has helped me come to terms with my past and live more fully on my own terms. I have learned that healing takes patience, support, courage, and the right people around you. My message is simple: one step at a time, together with people who empower you, it is possible to conquer life again and live with passion. You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to build from here.